Thursday, November 01, 2007

Pressing On...


Nearly every day, I've come to this site...browsed through the pictures of our perfect boy...and tried to find the words to scribe the next entry. And each time, the words are not to be found. What does one say? How can you describe the vast span of emotions & thoughts filling each day since Isaac died? Some days the strength is there & the smiles are genuine. Others, you're blindsided with paralyzing grief & a heaviness that reduces you to nothing but tears & longing for what you cannot get back this side of heaven. And the days in between fill with a mixture of everything between. All the while, two things remain: the real absence of our sweet boy & the ever-presence of God's love & comfort.

To be honest, there aren't many words to say. No words of inspiration nor incredible strength. No great insights or profound thoughts. Simply this - we are hurting, but one day at a time, we're making it through. God continues to carry us on the hardest days & reveal the many ways Isaac changed this world in his brave twenty-four weeks here on earth.

62 comments:

Anonymous said...

Still praying for your family.

Anonymous said...

You may not think they're inspiring words, but you've given me the courage to continue on. Thanks for your tremendous display of faith.

Crystal S said...

I was just talking about Isaac with my roommate tonight before I got this post. I was discussing how we have things for a short time in life, everything we have in our earthly presence is never permanent. We are lucky to have that special someone or something for a short time before we have to give it up. I just ended a two year on and off relationship with someone and it's hard not seeing him everyday like we used to. Unlike Isaac, he is still with us here on earth but sometimes it feels empty without him almost like he passed away. I do understand what you are dealing with only I have never had a loss of a child. I would love it if you passed words of encouragement to me and I will do the same for you. You are my friend and I love you. Please talk to me when you feel like you need someone.

Anonymous said...

Isaac was just brought to my mind again today by someone I had told his story to. Thoughts of your precious family runs through my mind almost every day. Scripture says God comforts those who mourn, I have felt those loving arms around me in the past, I pray they hold you just as tight.
Love - Kateri<><

Pete, Alison and Charlie said...

Dear Jordan and Patience,
Thank you for updating your blog - we'd been wondering how you were getting on - and for leaving such a lovely message on Charlie's. We are still thinking of you every day, and continue to pray that you are being given the strength you need, when you need it. I also hope that the gaps between your really bad days are starting to get a little longer. Please know that we are always here for you if we can help, and that we continue to send you all our love and support. With our love, and a hug from across the pond, Alison, Pete and Charlie xxx

Sue Brown said...

Big hugs and many prayers for you guys. Thanks for your support as we travel on our own trials in life.
We love you Patience & Jordan!

Melanie T said...

Thanks Patience for your honesty and vulnerability. Your life and faith have touched so many people. God has blessed you with the ability to put into words what others may be thinking and feeling, but don't know how to express. So many of us that read your words will never be the same. Thank you again for sharing your journey with us. You are in our prayers.

Anonymous said...

Jordan and Patience,
You are never far from our thoughts and our prayers are with you. We love you so much, and hurt with you still. We are really looking forward to seeing you both again for thanksgiving.
love, Brian & Kim

Patty Honeycutt said...

We love you and are holding you up in our prayers and our thoughts.
Patty

kp said...

Your faith is amazing! Thank you for sharing your journey. It encourages me to "let go and let God".

Adam and Nat said...

You guys are in my thoughts every day. The picture on the headstone is beautiful and captures Isaac perfectly. Know that we miss him too and will continue to be praying for you.
-Nat

Anonymous said...

Dear Patience,

My heart hurts for you but I do praise God for how He is sustaining you. You may be able to take comfort in the fact that tears are often one more step out of the grief. My prayers and heart are with you.
Love,
Mrs. I.

Anonymous said...

Patience and Jordan,
You continue to be such an inspiration. You just continue to lean on God----when He brings you to it, He will bring you through it. We are here for you both.

Rick and Shelia

Josh Coyle said...

My little girl is beginning to talk and say words these days. She loves to point at things and say "dada"...I think she does this b/c she loves her daddy so much :). One of the things that we look at in our house is Isaacs cute little picture on the front his memorial service bulletin. The picture is on our refrigerator and I tell her "Alanna, that is baby Isaac and he is a very special person to daddy. Someday we will get to meet him." She looks at the picture like she understands and then we talk about another thing on our walls.

I also look at this picture in the mornings when I am making my coffee before i head to work in Chapel Hill. I also think of him as I enter the gym and look out the window on the UNC campus. Your family was always constant in my mind and heart as I would run and stare at the UNC Hospital building. I would push harder and harder just thinking of Isaac fighting to be on this earth. When he passed I could feel his absence from this earth in my heart as I looked out the window. It seems my gaze tends to shift towards the sunlight streaming down now as I think of him smiling at the side of our God.

I cannot relate to the pain you feel in any way. But I can honestly say that I relate in the full to the love that you both have shown for your "sweet boy". My little girl is always in my minds eye and has weighed my heart down with an intense and profound love ever since she entered this world.

You guys are amazing, and I am brought to tears when I think of what Isaacs life did to change mine and bring God's heart so close to mine.

Josh Coyle

ps - we would love to get together sometime and hang out ;)

alli tiner said...

I've been thinking about you guys all week. I'm still praying everyday.

Alli Tiner

CrazyHomeK said...

A friend of mine from bible study gave me your blog because we lost a baby too. She was 2 months and 20 days old when she died. She died with her daddy and me still believing God would heal her. Her name is Chloe Victoria. I'm so sorry about the loss of your sweet baby. I know it hurts so much, even though we know Jesus knows what He's doing and we trust Him, it still hurts. God bless you. www.chloekimbrell.com

Christal said...

I pray for you guys all the time. I thank-you for supporting me, even when you had your own situation going on.
I love you guys and I can say that I have never met two people with more faith than you. How you keep going... I don't know, other than saying your faith in God and His Will is present in your lives and giving you the strength.
You're a testimony to me greatly and sometimes I think I have it hard but I don't. One day we will all get to see isaac or see him again. He will be sitting there smiling and laughing (as his name means) in the Arms of Love welcoming you guys home.

Psalms 126:5 They that sow in tears will reap in joy.

Anonymous said...

Keeping you in my thoughts and prayers.

Anonymous said...

Never think you don't have anything inspiring to say, your family has been through a roller coaster of emotions this last year and still you give God the glory and praise. I don't know too many people who could hold on to their faith in such circumstances, that is truely inspirational. I pray and think of you both daily. May God surround you in His love.
Nikki

Jane-Jane said...

still praying!

Laura said...

Your struggle right now is something i have never experienced so I have no words to give but just know You are in the Lord's hands and he alone can give you the comfort you need. I lift you and your husband up in the mighty name of our LORD and Saviour for his peace to give you complete healing.
Laura Russell

Anonymous said...

I pray that God would touch your grieving hearts with His healing touch and give you comfort and peace that passes all understanding.

Everything has it's time .. a time to weep and a time to laugh. Continue to lay your burdens on Him. I know God will continue to hold you close to Him as you go through this process. No doubt ...

Love in Christ!

Anonymous said...

Jordan and Patience, I see you often and always with a smile on your face. I ask God regularly "please continue to give them comfort and fill their hearts with the joy of knowing that their precious son is whole and sharing his story with his new friends". When I see you in the church office, I often want to ask "how are you doing", but it seems like such a silly question. The obvious is; your heart is aching, you miss Isaac more than words could ever say, you long to shower him with kisses and hold him close......So please forgive me when I say nothing but know that you are always in my prayers. Your strength and faith are inspirational to many. You are both such a blessing.

Kristina

Julie Miles said...

Patience and Jordan,

Your faith is still an inspiration to me. I continue to lift you up in my prayers nearly every day. Thanks for keeping us in your prayers too and for reading our blog. It's great to hear an update on how you two are pressing on, I can only imagine how difficult the past 2 months have been for you both. What a precious picture on Isaac's headstone, what a comfort that is to know that Isaac's in a much better place and that one day you'll be reunited with him, and so many of the people reading this blog will get to meet/see Isaac again - what a glorious day that will be!

Anonymous said...

..praying.

loveyouawholebunch!!

delea

samdanmas@yahoo.com said...

Patience and Jordan,

What can I say? I've been following Isaac's story since the beginning after I lost my son Haniel to HLHS earlier this year. I've always considered myself a woman of faith, but I must say, after reading your postings WOW! You really inspired me and have helped me through my time of grieving. Please know that you guys are in my thoughts and prayers always.

God Bless You.

Dianett Garcia

Melissa said...

We have not stopped praying for, nor loving you both. . .

Anonymous said...

You don't know me, but I've been following your journey for the past few months. I feel terrible I have never left a message. And it's even worse because I have a site for my daughter (born with heart, lung, craniofacial defects, also trached and g-tube fed) and I always wish people would say something to us through it. But, I still don't know what to say to you. I guess I just want you to know that you are always in my thoughts. I hurt for you and I don't even know you. And I have so much hope for your future. May God continue to bless you,
Christy
Richmond, VA
www.babysites.com/sites/harlie

Anonymous said...

Your story has deeply touched my heart. Your faith in the Lord is evident in the way you have walked through this incredible trial. You have been an inspiration to me.

I will continue to lift you up in prayer.

Anonymous said...

we're praying for you as you continue on in your journey. your sweet boy is still here in your heart and you will once again meet in heaven. until then... keep on keepin' on and i know the Lord will bless you. thank you for your strong faith.

Gina Witcher / Runnermom4 said...

We think of and pray for you guys so often. It's seems strange to hear you say 24 weeks, because it seemed like Isaac was with us for years. It also seems strange that it has been only three months since Isaac went to heaven. When I see you guys at church I often wonder if this is one of the bad days and you have to cover it up to go on with life and ministry while being so visible in a large church.

There are so many of us that cry for you often and wish we could help carry your burden... but we know only God can do that. You guys are so special and I can hardly wait to see the "beauty in the morning" to see what God does in your lives.

Anonymous said...

Not a day goes by when I don't think of you both and grieve with you for sweet Isaac. Thank you for continuing to post and share with us...your brothers and sisters in Christ. We lift you up daily in prayer...
I am currently studying Genesis and have absolutely loved learning more about Isaac,his family and God's love and protection over him. I know your little Isaac had such an impact here on this earth...what a little warrior! And what a blessing he was and continues to be in my life. All 3 of you are...
Praying for your comfort and that God will fill your hearts with warmth and peace when you most need it.
Claire Adams <><
Raleigh, NC

Anonymous said...

I just read your last comments, Patience. We continue to pray for you and Jordon and the rest of your family. God promises to heal the brokenhearted and we know He will. Please check out www.griefshare.org a Biblically based grief support ministry. You can sign up for daily e-mail devotionals and even check their GriefShare bookstore. There might be a GriefShare support group in your area.

In His Love, The Woodies, Annapolis EP

Anonymous said...

Every week that I see you both, I see your faith, yet always wonder how it is that you still have smiles and kind words for everyone that you pass by.

With my own child due in less than 2 weeks, I cannot even fathom being able to function, much less demonstrate the level of faith and trust in Our Lord that you both have shown my family.

Isaac, and you are still and will always be a great blessing in our lives and we will all continue to pray for healing for your grief.

As an aside, I was talking to my 2 year old about Isaac, and told him that Isaac had to go to be somewhere else, because God needed him. And he said to me... Oh, I get it! Baby went home.

Such wisdom from a child. We will see Isaac again soon.

The Rando Family

Anonymous said...

Every night we say our prayers and my son still to this day says. God please continue to keep Isaac close to you and watch over his mom and dad. We are and will continue to pray for you and your family. Your faith is so inspiring. We love you guys!!!

Anonymous said...

Thanks for the update...I've wondered how you were doing. Still praying for you guys.

Sdwyer said...

As I said it before Ill say it again I fell in love with a lil boy I didnt know.....His short time on Earth has been such a powerful one.... He has touched me in ways i can not describe. Though I know your hurting just know Isaac's legacy will go on...

I am in college and was in my religion class last night and I brought your situation up and told the class If you want to see a family with struggles and heartache but through it all still have the courage and FAITH that you have you need to go to this site. Your little boy has impacted my life in ways I can not describe and for that I will pass on what he and your family has given me Ill pay it forward...... Take care and God Bless

Jennifer said...

Still lifting you and Jordan up in prayer! We are thankful that God has given you both the heart for worship--your leadership is truly awesome!

Anonymous said...

Thinking and praying for you both this day. : )Much Love is sent out your way!

Tricia & Nathan

sarebear223 said...

You guys will be blessed beyond measure in time, and you are right now for things that you do for others, and always giving all the glory to God. ily
Youi guys can also check my blog. musicalsarah.blogspot.com

Anonymous said...

So sweet
Still praying for your family

Anonymous said...

'Tis so sweet to trust in Jesus, just to take Him at His word.
Just to rest upon His promise, just to know thus sayeth the Lord.

Jesus, Jesus how I trust Him! How I've proved Him o'er and o'er! Jesus, Jesus, precious Jesus! O for grace to trust Him more!

Oh, how sweet to trust in Jesus, just to trust His cleansing blood! Just in simple faith to plunge me 'neath the healing, cleansing flood.

Yes, 'tis sweet to trust in Jesus, just from sin and self to cease, just from Jesus simply taking life and rest, and joy and peace.

I'm so glad I learned to trust Him, Precious Jesus, Savior, Friend, And I know that He is with me, will be with me to the end.

Jesus, Jesus, how I trust Him! How I've proved Him o'er and o'er! Jesus, Jesus precious Jesus! O for grace to trust Him more!

Patience and Jordan,
This song has been ringing over and over in my mind as I think of you. I keep you in my prayers daily. Love you both.

Anonymous said...

Recently I was having a conversation with a friend. I told him that sometimes I can not control my anger. He reminded me that our God had the power to raise his son from the dead. Letting me know that we have access to the greatest power ever known. That same power is the power to heal and comfort. He will not foresake you. With love and prayers from NJ.

Anonymous said...

Dear Patience & Jordan

I heard a little bit of your blog read on the radio a couple of days ago. The station was doing a fundraiser for the Children's Hospital and someone had sent the DJ your blog. Even before they said his name I knew they were talking about Isaac! It brought tears to my eyes b/c he will never be fogotten and will live in our hearts. Just want you to know his story is being told and touching people in ways you won't ever know until you are with him again in heaven. Until then know you are both still prayed for, loved and thought of. Isaac is with Jesus and he is smiling and laughing and he knows how much he is loved and that he is your "sweet boy." I bet if he could talk to you he would want to say Mommy, I am okay now. And you and daddy will be okay, too. It is so wonderful here and we will be together soon and then it will be forever...

Pete, Alison and Charlie said...

Dear Patience and Jordan,
I just thought I'd check in and say hello, to let you know we are still thinking of you and praying for you all the time. I check in on your blog most days - and if there are no updates, I just re-read all the stuff I've read before! Christmas is getting closer now, and I wanted to let you know that we'll be thinking of you particularly over the next few weeks. I remember the year we lost Will, Christmas was pretty sad - so many things we'd have liked to have bought, but couldn't. You've both been amazing through your whole experience with Isaac, and your faith has really shone throughout, but if you're anything like me, every now and then you just have to stamp your feet and shout and cry about how unfair everything is! Please remember we're here if you ever need to let off steam - we've been there, done that and got the t-shirt, so we do understand! Take care of each other. With our love and hugs, Alison, Pete and Charlie xxx

Mickey said...

Jordan and Patience -
I know we don't go to the same church anymore, but my family and I have started a church with Stephen Hepting, and you guys have impacted our lives so much. We still brag about how strong the two of you are, God has his hands around you two, and he's doing something powerful in your lives. Everything happens for a reason, nothing is an accident or a mistake - it's all apart of God's plan. Keep that in mind when in need of prayer, or troubled times.

We love you all.
Love - the Nazal Family

Anonymous said...

"No words of inspiration nor incredible strength. No great insights or profound thoughts"???.... You must know that you both have shared all of these things with so many of us. We are the ones without proper words of gratitude for the way you have opened your most vulnerable feelings to us, all for Isaac, all for God's glory. "Thank you" seems very little when you have given so much. Prayers and blessings continue your way as you make it thru another day, another week, another month.

Isaac's headstone is bittersweet, as this whole journey has been. We can picture him on the knee of Jesus, happy and healthy.

God Bless you all!

Marguerite Cail said...

Hi Patience and Jordan,
Not a day goes by that I don't think of the two of you and pray and hope that you are finding peace. I come to your site as your words offer me such comfort through my own journey of grief. I hope that my prayers can offer you a little comfort as well. As you told me, Patience, our boys are absolutely restored and in Heaven with Jesus, the BEST place they can be! Love, Marguerite

Anonymous said...

Still praying for you. Thanks for the update. Your Heavenly Father is always at work to restore, even if what that means still remains unclear.

Anonymous said...

You are still in our thoughts and prayers!

Julie Nickerson said...

I think of you two often and pray for you both whenever I do think of you.

melissa said...

The prayers have not stopped for you guys. . .
Many hugs to both of you!

So Blessed said...

Prayers continue for you in your grief journey. May you be filled with the comfort and peace that only He can give...

Anonymous said...

I read this poem online and it gave me a great sense of peace... God is the Ultimate Father and He is with our children, whether they are here with us, or in Heaven with Him.

Thought of you and closed my eyes
And prayed to God today.
I asked what makes a Mother,
And I know I heard him say...

"A Mother has a baby."
This we know is true.
"But God, can you be a Mother
When your baby's not with you?"

"Yes, you can," He replied,
With confidence in His voice.
"I give many women babies
When they leave is not their choice.

Some I send for a lifetime,
And others for just a day.
And some I send to feel your womb
But there's no need to stay."

"I just don't understand this, God
I want my baby here!"
He took a breath and cleared His throat
And then I saw a tear.

"I wish I could show you
What your child is doing today.
If you could see your baby smile
With other children and say,

'We go to earth to learn our lessons
Of love and life and fear.
My Mommy loved me oh so much
I got to come straight here.

I feel so lucky to have a Mom
Who had so much love for me.
I learned my lesson very quickly;
My mommy set me free.

I miss my Mommy oh so much
But I visit her each day.
When she goes to sleep at night
On her pillow's where I lay.

I stroke her hair and kiss her cheek
And whisper in her ear.
Mommy don't be sad today
I'm your baby and I am here.'

So you see my dear sweet one
Your child is okay.
Your baby is here in My arms
And this is where he'll stay.

He'll wait for you with Me now
Until your time is through.
And on the day that you come home
He'll be at the gates for you.

So now you see what makes a Mother,
It's the feeling in your heart.
It's the love you had so much of
Right from the very start."

We're still praying for your continued healing and comfort until you meet your little man in Heaven. Can't you just see him sitting on the Lord's lap?!?!?

Anonymous said...

Today, January 25th I am thinking and praying for you. God Bless.

Pete, Alison and Charlie said...

Hi there Patience and Jordan,
Just thought I'd drop by, say hi, and let you know that we're still thinking of you and praying for you daily. Take care. Sending you our love and ongoing support, Alison, Pete and Charlie xxx

Tiffany Evans said...

Hello,

After reading your heart-wrenching story, I thought I'd share what we're doing and see if you'd be interested in being involved.

Many Blessings,
Tiffany Evans
www.untiljourneysend.blogspot.com

boltefamily said...

I am not really sure how I stumbled on your blog but I did...I too lost a son Isaac. He lived only six short days from July 14-20 2005. I am now carrying another baby with the same defect that took Isaac. Day by day God is getting us through as well. I know that words are inadequate, but know we are praying for you here in PA! Your Isaac was a beautiful little guy who probably accomplished more in 24 weeks than many of us do in a lifetime! I am sure you are very proud of your son!

Kristy
www.babybolte.blogspot.com

Megan at My Heart, My Home said...

Leino family,
I've spent the past few moments reading your blog. I know that this is an old post, but I also know that some of the hardest times after losing someone you love come months after the fact. Praying for you and thanking God for the incredible gift of His Son for us. He will keep you strong and shower you with His love.

Anonymous said...

Happy Birthday to Isaac in a couple days. Just wanted to let you know that folks are still praying for your family and that I think about Isaac daily.

Anonymous said...

Happy Birthday Isaac

Sami said...

Happy Birthday Sweet Boy! i pray that you have enjoyed and will continue to enjoy riding bikes with Jesus and singing with the angels! we miss you tons!